


You're the Louvre Museum

by peaceloveandjocularity



Category: MASH (TV)
Genre: CW gender dysphoria, Episode: s11e04 The Joker Is Wild, F/F, F/M, Multi, trans BJ
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2021-03-01 16:34:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23720137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peaceloveandjocularity/pseuds/peaceloveandjocularity
Summary: CW for gender dysphoriaTrans BJ AU for The Joker Is Wild. BJ spirals after Hawk shaves his mustache.Hawk had shaved off half of his mustache.BJ’s body felt like he had been doused in cold water. He inhaled sharply as he lunged for the mirror, pushing past Hawk cackling in the chair. His hand grabbed his dog tag chain and pulled on it. His ears were ringing. His chest hurt.
Relationships: BJ Hunnicutt/Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce, Peg Hunnicutt/BJ Hunnicutt
Comments: 12
Kudos: 29





	You're the Louvre Museum

**Author's Note:**

> CW again for gender dysphoria!

BJ had fallen asleep peacefully after a long day of pranking Hawk, and succeeding. He woke up, his body a bit stiff but well-rested enough for once. His head was a bit foggy to Hawk’s voice. 

“Beej, you up?” 

“Do I have to be?” he mumbled. 

“Yeah, you gotta make rounds.” Hawk was already sitting up in his bunk 

BJ groaned as he turned over. “Don’t tell me you slept straight through from yesterday afternoon.” 

“Probably the longest time I’ve spent in bed alone.” He grabbed his pants and was sitting on the chair beside BJ’s bunk. “Being humiliated can wear you out.” 

“That’s what you get for casting aspersions. No hard feelings?” 

“No, no,” Hawk drawled. “I’ve met my match. I’ll never tangle with the master again.” 

BJ sat up, groaning as he blinked his eyes open. Hawkeye was giggling behind him, his body all scrunched up. BJ rubbed his chin, trying to wake his body up. He stretched, his shirt lifting a bit at the bottom and his shoulders cracked. “Well, if you ever want to try again, I’m always game.” He ran the back of his hand across the bottom of his nose, itching it, and stopped short. 

Hawk had shaved off half of his mustache. 

BJ’s body felt like he had been doused in cold water. He inhaled sharply as he lunged for the mirror, pushing past Hawk cackling in the chair. His hand grabbed his dog tag chain and pulled on it. His ears were ringing. His chest hurt. 

“-eej. Beej can you hear me?” 

BJ blinked back tears as he finally heard Hawk’s voice in his ear. “What?” 

“Are you okay? I just— it’s just a joke, Beej. I didn’t think you’d react like this. How— What can I do to make it better?” His hand was grabbing BJ’s, trying to loosen it from his dog tags. “BJ, you’re hurting yourself. Let me help. What’s going on?” 

“What? Nothing. Everything’s fine,” he said, taking one last look in the mirror before sinking back to his bunk. “I’m fine.” He grabbed his pants and pulled them on, tightening his belt a bit tighter than he should. His hands were shaking as he pulled his belt through his belt loops. “Let me do your rounds,” Hawk said, tugging his boots on. “Then I’ll come back and we’ll talk.”

“I can do my rounds,” BJ said, palming the tears from his eyes. “I just have to…shave.” 

“BJ, I’m sorry. What can I do to help you? I wouldn't have done it if I’d known it would hurt you like this. Let me go do rounds quickly and I’ll be back, okay?” Hawk was genuinely concerned. He hadn’t realized his prank would spark such a visceral reaction. 

BJ nodded as he yanked on his boots and tied them a bit tighter than he needed. “Okay,” he said, his voice a bit higher than he liked. He cleared his throat and tried again, “Okay.” BJ looked in the mirror and whined. He grabbed his shaving kit and stood in front of the tent pole. The mirror seemed to be mocking him. He lathered up and began to shave his whole face. Might as well go all in and even everything out. His eyes looked emotionless and empty even to him as he looked at himself. 

“Ahh, good morning, Hunnicutt. Finally shaving off that mustache? Good for you,” Charles said as he walked in. He tucked himself into his corner and turned on his music. He watched BJ for a reaction and, not getting one, turned his music a bit louder. 

BJ wiped off the shaving cream with his towel, his face tacky without a water rinse. He laid down on his bunk and curled up on himself, his back towards the door. 

“Hunnicutt, I can’t help but notice something’s bothering you. Is your daughter alright?” 

BJ’s arms wrapped tight around his midsection. Was it just him or was his stomach as soft as it had been postpartum? Were his hips as wide as they felt? His face felt bare and his chest felt heavy and everything was going wrong. BJ pulled his blanket over himself. 

“Hunnicutt? Can you hear me?” 

That must be the question of the day. “She’s fine.” 

Now _that_ was concerning. When had BJ ever given up the chance to talk about his daughter? “BJ? Would you like to talk about it?” BJ shook his head and curled even farther into himself, if that was even possible. “I must say I’m a bit concerned. Shall I go get Colonel Potter?” BJ shook his head again. “Then you must let me help you.” 

“I’ll be fine, Charles. Please. Turn your music up and leave me alone.” 

Charles turned off his music entirely and strode quickly from the tent. He returned a few minutes later with Hawkeye in tow. “I’m not sure what’s wrong, but something’s wrong and you have to fix him. I’ll go finish rounds.” He pushed Hawk towards BJ’s bunk and turned back out the door. 

“Beej? Can you look at me?” 

BJ turned around on his cot and looked at Hawkeye. “Don’t say sorry. Please. It was just a joke, I know that.” 

“Then what’s wrong, BJ? Because I know that it’s my fault. Can I touch you?” BJ grit his teeth but nodded his head and leaned into Hawk’s hand as he stroked his face. “What’s wrong, Beej? Talk to me.” 

BJ’s hands were rough as he wiped at his eyes to get the tears to stop. “Do you think I look feminine now without my mustache?” 

Hawk’s brow furrowed. “No, of course not.” His fingers never left BJ’s cheek as he tried to calm him down. “Why would you think that?” 

“Because I’m a girl,” BJ said, tears welling up again. “At least biologically.” 

“What?” Hawk’s fingers stuttered, but stayed on BJ’s face. 

“I’m the real Peg Hayden. And she was born BJ Hunnicutt. And no one was supposed to find out but here I am, stuck in Korea and breaking down because of a harmless prank and it’s stupid because I know you didn’t mean it but it took a long time for me to be able to grow my mustache like that and now I’m back at the beginning.” 

Hawk pressed his forehead to BJ’s and wiped away the tears as best as he could. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t— I didn’t know.” 

“You weren’t supposed to,” BJ said. “That was the whole point! It was just a stupid joke. You didn’t mean it.” 

Hawk pressed a gentle kiss to BJ’s lips. “I’m sorry. Impact is more important than intent.” 

BJ pushed him back a bit. “I don’t want pity.” 

“Was it ever pity when I’ve kissed you before this?” BJ shook his head slightly. “Then why would it be now? I’ve only got one question, really, and that’s how you two managed to swap identities and how you got past the army physical. Well I guess that’s technically two.” 

“Doctored doctor notes for the army, and for paperwork we just use each others’ birth certificates. We’ve been together since high school so we’ve been doing this for years.” 

“Erin?” 

“Is ours.” BJ’s arms started to curl around his stomach again. “And I love her more than anything.”

“Hey, don’t close me out,” Hawk said, easing BJ’s arms from around himself. “You don’t look any more feminine without your mustache. You’re a handsome man, and you always will be.” He ran his fingers across BJ’s upper lip. “I say give it a couple weeks and it’ll look better than before. But until then,” he leaned down and pressed a kiss to BJ’s lips. “I can still kiss you senseless. You're the tops, baby.”

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on tumblr @peaceloveandjocularity !


End file.
